We don’t grade. So how do I know if my child is behind?

Parents need to be deschooled, too

Photo credit: Werner Pfennig / pexels
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“Your job is to get good grades,” my dad would always say. And that’s just what I did — all of my A’s earned me a pat on the back and placement into competitive academic programs to add to my resume.

I’m sure my family wasn’t alone — for many, grades are everything. That’s been the prevailing mantra in homes and schools across the country for over a century now when standardized grading was first introduced

And for good reason: our society has been built around the grading system. High school grades are often seen as a predictor of success later in life — students with higher grades are more likely to get into competitive colleges which in turn earns them more prestigious jobs with higher salaries later on.

But all the focus on grades comes at a cost.

Our society has been built around the grading system. High school grades are often seen as a predictor of success later in life 

Many professionals say that academic demand plays a huge part in the increasing rate of childhood anxiety and depression. 

“Children pick up on parents’ anxiety about school performance and can internalize it,” says  Brent Sweitzer, a professional counselor. 

Plus, good grades don’t actually measure how much the student is actually learning, just how much they can memorize for a test.

“The most obvious problem with grading is the fact that it’s so effective at motivating students,” write Jack Schneider and Ethan L. Hutt in their new book, Off the Mark: How Grades, Ratings, and Rankings Undermine Learning. 

“That may seem counterintuitive. How can success be a problem? Yet consider what, precisely, students are motivated to do when they strive for an A. It often doesn’t have much to do with learning. Grades function as a kind of crutch in K-12 and higher education. Rather than instilling an intrinsic love of learning in students, our system for the most part motivates them extrinsically — with grades.”

Grades function as a kind of crutch in K-12 and higher education. Rather than instilling an intrinsic love of learning in students, our system for the most part motivates them extrinsically — with grades.”

Jack Schneider and Ethan L. Hutt

Since the pandemic, more families have chosen to homeschool — a broad term that includes both worldschooling and unschooling. These parents usually cite a need to focus on the holistic development of their child and a desire to move away from the focus on grades and test scores.

“I think a large portion of traditional homeschoolers don’t use methods like grades and standardized tests. These may be helpful in a setting where there are tens or hundreds of students. But most homeschool parents only have a few children and know where they fall academically by simply observing and working alongside the child. If my child is working on writing a comic book, I can help him spell words. He doesn’t have to hand it to me for “grading. That would be silly,” says Veronica Kusiak, a homeschooling mom of three kids based in Toronto. 

Still, for parents new to the alternative schooling world, it can be difficult to shake the urge to grade and rank their child’s performance. After all, parents naturally want some assurance that their child is on par with — or ahead of — their peers. The grading system is so ingrained in most parents that it can be difficult at first to look for that assurance elsewhere, even if they are aware of the many shortcomings of the grading system itself. 

“My own deschooling was needed to overcome this issue. It still pops up every once In a while,” says Kris Keske about her desire to boil down her child’s learning into a letter grade. She’s an unschooling single mom currently traveling the country with her son.

“The [traditional] program is very deeply embedded in our subconscious. But honestly trusting your child and also understanding that school isn’t even close to supporting our children in the future helps a lot too. Grades are for teachers, it really doesn’t mean much to actual learning.”

So how can parents who want to venture into a less rigid educational system measure their child’s progress? We asked parents who define themselves as alternative educators — meaning traditional homeschoolers, unschoolers, worldschoolers, or hybrid schoolers — how they managed to gain the assurance that their children were learning and progressing outside of the traditional school system.

Implement non-traditional testing

There are many other forms of testing aside from the traditional essay or scantron tests that you can use to gauge whether a child has mastered a specific concept. These non-traditional testing methods include:

  • Practical tests — If the child is learning a practical skill, like counting money or telling time, parents can take multiple opportunities throughout the day to “spot test.”

“For telling time, I asked my daughter ‘What time is it?’ repeatedly at different intervals to make sure she knows how to read a clock,” says Amber Dixon, a mom based in Ohio who takes an eclectic homeschooling and unschooling approach to education.

  • Debates — Parents can facilitate a debate on pretty much any topic from history to science. This can be done between siblings, but it may be more fun to organize a debate day with another family. In order to prepare for the debate, students need to read and research the topic thoroughly and come up with their own well-reasoned arguments. It’s also a great way to practice public speaking skills. 
  • Teaching — Another way to know if a student really understands a concept is to have them teach it! Students can teach their parents, pretending that their parents know nothing about the topic, or their siblings and friends. Stuffed animals make for great pupils, too!
  • Creative writing — this can be a really fun way to get their creative juices flowing and find out just how well a child knows a topic. The writing prompts don’t have to be boring “explain this” type of questions. Instead, let the child’s imagination wander! With quirky writing prompts like, “What if the South won the Civil War?” or “What if the food chain was reversed?” students have to understand these concepts or historical events before they can dive into the creative, alternative universes. 

Be mindful of conversations

Parents can usually get a glimpse of how much a child knows by what they choose to talk about. 

“Start noticing everything that you talk about when you have conversations with them. You will be amazed by what they have learned,” says Shanna Smidt, who describes herself as an “almost unschooled” mom of three boys living outside of Chicago. 

“ I learned that my kids have an incredible understanding of Greek and Roman mythology and they make all sorts of connections when we talk about other subjects and stories. I didn’t teach them. We read tons of books and they listen to podcasts because they want to and are interested.”

Parents can be intentional about the conversations too. For example, if you’re teaching your kids about logical fallacies, you can use dinnertime conversation as a way to practice. If the logical fallacy of the day is an “appeal to emotion” then make it a rule that everyone has to make an emotional appeal whenever they speak. “Dad, can you pass the potatoes? I’m so hungry that I’m weak and may pass out!”

Try reverse lesson planning

Reverse lesson planning is the idea of writing down what students learned rather than making a plan for what they will learn. After all, so much learning takes place outside of proscriptive lesson plans and it’s great to be able to capture that progress!

“I enjoy reverse lesson planning so to speak and writing down weekly the things they did and are learning. It helps to show interests and big picture progress,” says Amy Borger Crouse, a homeschooling mom in Pennsylvania.  

For many parents, reverse lesson planning helps them prioritize the “must-dos” during the week without getting bogged down in the details. This allows them to be flexible when their schedule requires it and keeps the focus on the overall progress.

Keep a portfolio 

Parents can also keep a binder — or use apps like Evernote or Seesaw — to keep track of the progress that’s being made throughout the year. 

This can give a big picture, visual illustration of what a child has learned; and the child can be involved too! They can be in charge of picking out the work that they would like to showcase.  

Keeping a portfolio can sound overwhelming, but the good news is that you don’t have to include every single thing or detail that is done in homeschooling. Focus on the big picture and include things like books read, extracurriculars that they tried, basic concepts that they’ve mastered, and movies or podcasts that they’ve enjoyed. 

This is also a great way to create a record of what you accomplish in case your state requires it.